My Better Half... <3

Week 2 – Spouse/ Significant other

This week is paying gratitude to someone who you are either married to or in a relationship with- that special person that makes your heart flutter, who makes your belly hurt from laughing, holds you when you feel all hope is left, and enjoys your crazy and sassy personality on long car trips and adventures. That person you could call your significant other, or as I like to call them: My better half.

Gratitude comes in many forms, it depends on your life circumstances and what it is you are looking for but never forget it is always there and it isn’t always in words. One quote that hits the nail on the head is from the movie, Hitch. I watched Hitch when I was only 13, possibly 14 and I remember my step mum would always quote “Sixty percent of all human communication is nonverbal, body language; thirty percent is your tone. So that means that ninety percent of what you're saying ain't coming out of your mouth”. At thirteen/ fourteen you are abundantly learning about life, pain and a new form of love. High school years are tricky; you need to learn how to juggle homework from different subjects, extracurricular activities like basketball on the weekend and training through the week and finding time to hang out with friends and family. This honestly doesn’t change when you become an adult, you may study but this time you need to take it more seriously, or you have a fulltime job BUT you still need to find time to walk the dog, go to the gym, do your own laundry and cleaning, catch up with friends and family but juggle money at the same time.

What I have learnt so far, is that Hitch is right. Doesn’t really matter what age you are currently, love doesn’t change it only grows and blossoms with your spouse or significant other through actions, nonverbally and with body language.

Love isn’t easy but nor is life and if it was would I be here doing a 52 week gratitude challenge? I have had my fair share of love and relationships over the years. I have been married and I am not afraid to share that, I have experienced horrible break ups and I can definitely tell you I have had a lot of good times. One thing is for sure you do change as your grow up and sometimes a new relationship is actually pretty scary- trusting someone after coming out of a bad relationship, opening up about who you are and hoping it doesn’t shock them, realising how much you try to be independent but realising how much you actually rely and count on them to be there through the bad and ugly.

Has there been someone you met and dated for a short time frame but knew they were the one? Didn’t matter how many relationships you had afterwards you would wonder what they are up to and if you would ever hear from them? Even think would we ever try to be in a relationship again sometime in the future? Well, welcome to my life. I met him when I was sixteen and he was nineteen. I was still in school and he was trying to set up a life here. Sadly it didn’t last for long due to circumstances on both ends, he moved back to Perth and I needed to finish High School. We kept in contact but eventually he found someone who made him happy like I did. I took a step back and but never stopped thinking about him. We met again when I was 19 and to me it was like I never stopped loving him. He was happy with someone else but man it was great to see him again while he was here for the weekend. It was only a short 1-2 years later he calls me to tell me he is getting married- this broke my heart but I remember thinking that’s it he has finally found someone who makes his world light up. I congratulated him and wished him the best. I tried finding him around the time he was supposed to get married to congratulate him but no luck. I continued with my boyfriend at the time and soon I too was walking down the aisle. It wasn’t until over a year ago that by coincidence I found him and a simple ‘Hey’ on social media would open an unfinished chapter in my life.

Time has a funny way of surprising you, even more so as you get older. So the question to this week’s gratitude: Do I have a spouse? Not technically but do I have a significant one? NO, I do have someone I would could consider a significant one, but that is the past.

Nothing can be absolutely perfect but you try to make it as close to perfect and what you want. It takes two to tango, what might be a ‘perfect’ relationship for you might not be for the other. It is a matter of working together to be happy, that is what you want at the end of the day is to be happy. You need to be open, trusting and overall be honest.

You don’t like something, speak up- it will only cause you more damage internally over a period of time which can lead to a deterioration to the relationship.

My life is complicated, I moved back to Melbourne after separating from my husband and started living like a real adult; learning the act of how to juggle both money and time. From this I feel it has caused some kinks in relationships with friends, family and my significant other. However, I am forever amazed and grateful for these people in my life, to be patient and understanding and that I am not the only one who can land on Struggle Street. Yes, I got caught up in catching up with friends and partying at the beginning of last year when I moved back but I had heaps of fun dancing til late and drinking wine into the early mornings. I eventually grew tired of it, I mean we all do, but what I have learnt from that is you should have been there with me, even when you declined my invites. Yes, you may have found your way in a new city without me because of my poor choices but never did I stay away or not come home to be with you.

No two relationships are the same; which is great as it is a challenge- teaching you new and old things, what you like with one might not be the same with another. My married life was pretty darn good, I loved him a lot but it was a mutual ending and I only hope and wish him the best. He taught me a lot about myself and how strong I really am but that was with him as he guided me but when I left I learnt that I can no longer rely on him and I need to do all the things he taught me on my own. Our routine then will never be the same routine with someone new and I have struggled with that. When you leave someone who you spent a long time with you start to miss the small things like; a kiss when you wake up, leave, come home and go to bed, cooking dinner and watching the news together. What you need to remember though is that when you go into a new relationship you won’t have this all the time, you might have some of it but you will start to create new small acts of love in your daily routine.

Overall I am grateful that I got the chance to really get to know you. I am grateful for all of the fun and adventures we have had and may have.

Yes there are things that need change but will it happen is the real question? Not just with me but with you mostly. I have a lot to mend in myself and I know that. I am happy with what it is now, yes I would love more but I will take what I get.

I am happy: